Cultural guilt is a powerful thing. We don’t enjoy being blamed for behaviors we didn’t enact or condone, nor do we enjoy recognizing any aspect of those former beliefs in our current persona. It is a hard thing to seek knowledge, as a feminist or civil rights activist or whatever label we want to apply—perhaps post-colonialist is best. It is even harder to express thoughts of existence, right or wrong, knowing there are those that don’t only misunderstand or disagree, but hate you for your perceived stupidity. Nothing is more detrimental to education and communication than attack without urge to listen. The previous presidential election, discussions of my feminist ideologies, my decision to refuse to stay quiet have consistently put in me situations where people forcefully disagree with me. I want to be a person that does not shy away from challenges of what I say, but that want is easier held than idealized. Responding to powerful, emotional arguments is also difficult because my ire is raised and my first impulse is to attack back. That does no one any good, though, and for this reason I am both going to engage in the conversation to the best of my ability and I am not going to remove comments. Should the conversation devolve, however, into nothing more than attack-oriented comments with no genuine urge to understand on either side, I will delete all negative posts with nary a word spoken about them.

First, and most importantly, I would never punch someone in the face for a compliment. My hyperbole was used for particular rhetorical effect and understanding authorial intent is as much a reader’s responsibility as it is an author’s responsibility to anticipate the reader’s response. Alongside that is my second point. My experience is my own and is being presented here as nothing more in a space of free speech. This means that no matter how well intentioned, I am sometimes the recipient of what some would term compliments that are not wholly complimentary. Not because of the intention of the complimenter, but because they are operating from a standpoint and ideology that is unaware of an existence outside their own. These sorts of compliments, like an older wealthy man telling me he is proud of me for being such a good girl, are not offered with intention to hurt, but do nonetheless. I speak about these things because I feel the best way to broaden perspective and complicate thinking is to speak of differing experience, regardless of how uncomfortable such sharing can be.

Finally, and not least importantly, I bear no ill will towards anyone who compliments me nor am I sorry it happened. My irritation is with a greater ideology of the world—an ideology that is still going strong as evidenced through the powerful responses my story begot. I am not a man hater, a compliment hater, or any sort of hater; merely a person sharing observations as untoward as they may be at times because I see value in it. This is not an apology but an explanation.

To disagree with someone through moral superiority and judgment with no clear attempt at understanding what they are saying is precisely what I am attempting to avoid with this explanation. But regardless of my personality flaws, of which there are many, and the reasons for my beliefs and reactions, of which there are more, I am not sorry for my response to the nice man at Blockbuster (which was nothing but appreciative in my actions and gestures) or for my continued espousal of what I think and why.

That is the last I will say on this particular topic, though I will always clarify my thoughts as requested in an effort to communicate as I want to, not only as is comfortable for me.