I was fortunate enough to see the newest James Bond this weekend and naturally I began plotting my response to it here where all could see. Just recently, however, I noticed an article on msn written by someone who had never seen a James Bond film until recently. I read it because I too had never seen a film until four or five years ago and I wasn't astounded to hear that someone else had lived her life without watching every single film multiple times. I was bothered by one part of it, however; apparently the Pierce Brosnan Bond's are skewered for being politically correct. They took out everything but the puns--something I hadn't noticed. These new ones are a return to a more gritty Bond. There are several things wrong with this statement; first that Craig has more in common with Dalton and Brosnan than Moore and Pierce Brosnan was by far better than Roger Moore (I hate Roger Moore; I should throw that out there). Second, that Daniel Craig never hits a woman either...but somehow he's edgey where Pierce Brosnan was politically correct. I think we as a society just wake up one day and assume the values we've assimilated were always there.

In any case! What I want to write about, what I set out to write about, what must be written about is:

The Top Ten Reasons Why James Bond Rocks My Pants Off

010 Incredibly Lucky

It's that about which we never speak: Mr. Bond is incredibly lucky. How is it he manages to stumble across the bad guys at just the right moments? How is it he manages not to get shot in the head? How is it his villains always underestimate him? Sure, some of it's skill, training, all around greatness, but James Bond is one lucky bastard.

009 Butt-kicking Awesomeness

When luck isn't enough Mr. Bond is, quite simply, Butt-kickingly awesome. I thought about how I could say this more seriously or sophisticatedly or 007y, but I can only speak the truth. The man can out shoot, out run, and out *ahem* well, you know, everyone on both sides of the Atlantic. This is really the reason from which all following reasons follow. How would you put it?

008 Man Can Drive A Car

Generally I'm not a car girl. Yes, a car that growls as opposed to whines is a beautiful thing, but guys driving their Porsches and their BMW's just don't do anything for me. But James doesn't just drive a nice car; James uses that car in ways that are groin-tingling spectacular.

007 Great in the Sack

It had to be said. As a red blooded, heterosexual female you have to wonder. Sure, in some of the early films he hits you, but only when you ask for it.

006 Can't Keep A Good Spy Down

He just won't die. You can shoot him; you can drown him. You can throw him off a cliff to sharks with lasers on their heads. But he won't die. Revisit 010 and 009.

005 Smarter Than Your Average Bad Guy

Q makes the gadgets, but Bond is somehow able to use them with only rudimentary training. And he always figures out the evil plots with very minimal sleuth work. And, AND while the bad guy is soliloquizing Bond is preparing his escape. Intelligence is so hot.

004 A.M./F.M.--Animal Magnetism/Formidable Masculinity

Most times someone has one or the other. Example A) Captain Jack Sparrow--magnetism, but not much in the way of masculinity. Example B) Any Arnold Schwarzenegger character--lots of masculinity but no magnetism. James Bond, though, has them both in spades. You never doubt for a minute that he's sexy, and you know, whether he's in a tux, a swim suit, or some all black, spandex, super spy get up, that he's all man.

003 B.B.S.B.--Bad Boy Saving Babies

Dear James doesn't like to follow rules. That makes him a bad boy. But he breaks the rules to save babies and, you know, the world. That makes him hot.

002 Stays Cool Under Pressure...Until He Doesn't

Torture, femme fatales, imminent death--nothing throws ol' James. He's stoic and cool through the whole movie, until someone does something and pushes him over the edge. Those moments, when he loses it, are only so powerful because his coolness is so complete previously. It isn't that he has a temper or lack of control or anything so mundane as that. Quite simply...James Bond is a man that I would love to push over the edge.

001 Super Spy

Super spies are the real life equivalent to superheroes. Their ability to save the day seems almost like a superpower, and their continual bad luck with women and happiness gives them a bit of noir detective feel. Basically what has happened there is a stew of hotness. All the best parts of everyone's favorite archetypes have been thrown together, mixed on high, and baked until Bonded.

So it is that while he's chauvinistic, egotistic, perhaps even masochistic I would still, if given half an opportunity, allow my pants to totally be rocked off by James Bond. So what if I'm only a notch in the bed post? It's gonna be a heck of a lot of fun making said notch.