An Explanation Of My Feminism

Feminism is a dirty word. To be called a feminist in modern society is generally unflattering. Of my female students, most being approximately 18, they would rather be thought of as anything else. Slut, whore, prude--all of these are preferable to feminist. This is surprising for two reasons: the first, that many of these young women are incredibly religious and would hate to be thought sexually promiscuous or prudish (not fun); the second, that many of them believe they are equal to men and should be evaluated based on their merits, not their gender. It is the second one that truly intrigues me because that is the definition of feminist, but when I point this out to them they argue with me.

There have been three (approximately) waves of feminism so far; the first occurred during the suffrage movement, early 20th century, and was pioneered by women such as Virginia Woolf and Susan B. Anthony. Women were recognized for the first time as independent, equal members of society and this was signified most powerfully in their being given the right to vote. The second wave began in the 1960's; some might say it started with the French Feminists, chiefly Simone de Beauvoir, but it's origins are more mucky than that. Suffice to say these are the bra-burners, the man-haters, the flag wavers--they are also the women who vocalized, in many cases for the first time, what it was like to live and exist as a woman and to state outwardly, sometimes angrily, but always clearly that female existence is different than male existence and that was okay. The third wave of feminism is still taking place, but it is commonly termed post-structuralist feminism and has resulted in more social changes, equal pay for equal work, new ways of looking at literature, movies, art, and society, and the most famous name currently is perhaps Judith Butler.

The problem with feminism, as with anything, is that no two people exist with the same understanding of what it is, what it means, or what it has done. Language is a malleable thing and the meaning of any word is decided by a plethora of factors. Meaning exists on levels--the first level exists between the speaker and the listener. The meaning the speaker intended and the meaning the listener understands collide and, in the case of communication, coincides. The next level exists societally within both the speaker and the listener; the speaker understands a word with all the knowledge previously acquired--that includes dictionaries, familial and school influence, media, and folkloric aspects. A listener understands a word with all of these aspects in place as well. In the case of feminism the dictionary and educational definition, a social ideology proclaiming equality amongst all people, is often overrun by the familial, media, and folkloric definitions--man-hating, bra burning women who wish to create an Amazonian state where males are enslaved and all recognize the superiority of women. I am of course being dramatic in picking the most extreme popular ideas of feminism, but I've known enough people, myself included, who carried this definition of angry Amazons in varying incarnations to feel confident in its validity as an example.

It does not take any particular set of characteristics to be a feminist--age, gender, occupation, and education in no way decide whether one is or is not a feminist, though all may have a part in the likelihood. The current social negativity directed towards feminists and feminism exists for many, many reasons which I will not go into here because I don't want to write a 20 page paper, and you don't want to read it. I would say the chief reason, though, is that social change is very, very hard and very, very messy. People have made mistakes on all sides; they always do. There are women and men who have claimed themselves as feminists that have no more in common with feminists than fanatics do with the religion they claim justifies their actions. After all, today's revolutionary makes tomorrow's ruler. Despite those who have misused the feminist movement for selfish, viscous, or simply misunderstood means, feminism--as a concept, a social movement, and a way of life--is still an important and vital way of looking at and discussing society. Feminism is the validation of existence for the marginalized and the silenced; it has gotten women the right to vote, allowed employment opportunities outside the home, and given a voice to those whose experiences were previously invalidated because of their gender. I do not believe, and will never agree, that equality is a bad thing.

Feminism does not exist in the ether on its own; it exists only within the minds of those who believe, understand, and consciously pursue it. This means that many different forms of feminism exist, some of them hopelessly perverted. Other feminists are not to blame for those perversions any more than all Muslims are to blame for Al Queda, or all Christians for the KKK. Feminism, no matter the form it takes, will always be uncomfortable because it is constantly challenging ideas promoted by society, families, and media--part of the reason these challenges are so discomfiting is that feminism forces people to think about other's reactions, and their own, in a way that most people are never prepared to do. That means that in some cases, sexual harassment for example, the listener's understanding of meaning overrules the speaker's intention. What the speaker intended as harmless flirting feels to the listener like harassment. To know that you have discomfited someone--weirded them out--is a terribly disturbing experience. However, their right not to feel harassed, no matter how oversensitive they are or how harmless your intent, overrules your right to joke/flirt in a manner that makes them uncomfortable. In a perfect situation when a joke/flirt happens that upsets someone that person would express his/her feelings of ill-ease, the speaker would apologize and all would go on with their day. This isn't a perfect world and some people abuse the right to claim harassment or blow a comment entirely out of proportion. Perfect communication comes when the listener meets the speaker half-way--this is as true in this situation as any other.

Awareness of another's feelings, however, is more important than the speaker's comfort and the inconvenience of sitting through those god awful sexual harassment videos when you get a new job. This is because when you exist in the margin, whether because of your ethnicity, gender, or sexuality, people constantly make comments that range from thoughtlessly offensive to intentionally hurtful. If you're native American you're a mascot, and you are supposed to feel flattered that a caricature of you dances around a field mocking serious cultural and spiritual behaviors. If you're a homosexual it's understood that when someone declares a negative action "gay" they aren't really talking about you or your lifestyle, only using the signifier of your lifestyle as an icon of negativity. If you're a woman you are supposed to look over the fact that all negative emotions are attributed to femininity, being illogical, weak, weepy, needy, crazy, and positive characteristics are thought of as masculine qualities, strength, logical ability, control of oneself.

Feminists began the discussion about what happens to a person when everything about themselves that is unchangeable is described negatively--ethnicity, sexuality, or gender. If you grow up female you are raised in a world of painfully conflicting messages; be strong, be loud, be what you want to be/be quiet, stay home, play the damsel in distress. You are taught that you should snare a man while simultaneously told you don't need a man. These messages are further conflicted by complications of societal treatment of sex and biology that I'm not going into because this explanation is already out of control. This state of conflicting messages is not unique to women or minorities, but the inability to voice feelings about the conflict, to use language that describes one's unique experience as outside the dominant hegemonic group is. White, straight males are as full of conflict, emotion, and human condition as any other demographic; however, the voice of white, straight, male experience has dominated literature, society, and oral stories for well over two millennia. This does not mean that a man does not have a unique experience, everyone has a unique experience, but it does mean that other demographics have existed in a sphere of silence that is inconceivable to those who haven't and feminism, along with other ideologies, has given language to that silence. I cannot conceive of what it would be like to be black, but I recognize the need for black voices in print and media. I cannot conceive of what it would be like to be male, but I recognize the need for male voices in print and media. I do know what it is like to be female, and recognizing the need for female voices alongside the voices of others I speak here and other places.

In my opinion, giving voice and working towards a more equal, understanding, and dialogic world is what feminism is all about.

My experience at Blockbuster, as stated multiple times but somehow misinterpreted, had nothing to do with the man who was kind enough to compliment me. I appreciated it then, as I previously stated, and I still appreciate it now. My discussion of that experience had to do with being a woman and existing in a state, through no one particular person, group, or gender's fault, where frustrating well intentioned dialogue is constantly, unintentionally, double-edged. That wasn't the speaker's fault, in this case the man at the store, it was a response from me the listener that he carries no blame for. But unless I talk about it, unless I express my experience of it, then others who might make the same comment will never know that it evokes an unintended reaction. That's why I speak--to give value and meaning to my existence.

Society is in the middle of an upheaval right now; competing voices are making demands that cannot possibly all be met. Men are constantly villainized as rapists, pedophiles, and chauvinists by those that would judge them for their gender. However, to judge me as a feminist based on others is the same mistake. We stereotype because it's easy, not because we have to--I am as guilty as others sometimes. I appreciate a door held for me, and I appreciate a pleasant compliment. But my personal belief is that true politeness and goodness is practiced by both genders equally, and it happens when one does something nice for someone not because they have to or feel required to but because they want to. Don't hold the door for me because I'm a woman, hold the door for me because you're polite. I will do the same. That is, I think, the key to a better world and better society.

There are many, many more things I would like to include here, but this is already ridiculously long. Despite its length, however, I would ask that all read the whole thing before forming responses to my existence as a feminist. It isn't about one gender over another or one ideology brainwashing a nation; it's about equality and understanding for each individual and the means and ability to achieve happiness and enlightenment.