SupernaturalMasochism.net

I know, it’s been awhile. I would make up some awesome excuse like depression, but that just seems entirely too cliché. Instead I would like to inaugurate my new year of school with a tribute to my new remembered worst loves ever. Ladies and gentlemen I give you:

Jareth, the Goblin King



It’s wrong. I’m not going to defend it. Especially when one considers that his threats to “be cruel” in no way resemble a pledge to love, honor, and protect. And yet I don’t think it sounds like such a bad idea. Honestly, look in those dual colored eyes and tell me you could resist.



I don’t know what it is; his promise to turn her brother into a goblin? The thinly veiled threat of his eyes to love her in a way that leads to the emergency room? Those shiny, shiny balls? It’s a mystery. I mean, when compared to my other big crush from my childhood Jareth is a rockstar.

Hello Darkness my old friend…



This guy is actually the devil. And as I spent some time revisiting old childhood movies I was astounded to see I hadn’t grown out of my crush on him. The devil is not supposed to be sexy guys; the part where he steals soul? That should be a deal breaker. But there is the line in the movie where he asks her to be free and to give into her temptations--for a girl with impulse control issues that’s a little bit like chubby girl crack.

And I know I’ve discussed these two characters before but this round of nostalgia has seemed particularly sketchy. I think because for the first time ever I was tempted to say the words out loud, “I wish the goblin king…” No! I’m not going to say it! Do I look stupid?

But that doesn’t mean the idea doesn’t appeal. I’m just saying, if the sight of David Bowie in eyeshadow and stretchy pants doesn’t start your engine you might want to check the oil. Why isn’t there a match.com for girls who seek partners that may or may not kill them? We could call it supernaturalmasochism.net. I think it would catch on. The problem, of course, is that all those killer supernatural dudes don’t have a problem getting dates--we could promise a hardier breed of girl, though. Someone who promises to survive the first full moon. The tag line could be something like: Sure we’re chubby, but we’re way harder to kill.

I like it. That’s a dating service that could promise results!