I’ll Manifest You!

How can revising be so bloody hard?! I already wrote the stupid paper so making it sound good ought to be cake. And yet here I sit, sweating and itching no doubt getting an ulcer, completely unable to sound smart.

So let’s talk this through:

If: The Joker is cool.
And: I need to write a paper about Shakespeare.
Then: Regan from King Lear is evil,.
Therefore: Regan and the Joker…

Dammit!

Okay, I got it.

If: The Joker is evil
And: Regan is evil
Then: The Joker is like Regan

Right? Right?!

I mean, do brilliant people have this much trouble? Does brilliance just flow out of them onto a paper that makes the first editor who reads it go, “Oh! Brilliant! I must publish you!”

I mean did Foucault really ever sit in front of his typewriter and say, “I don’t want to?” Cause I’ve been sitting in my computer chair (which was really comfortable for hours 1 and 2 but as we head into hour 4 my bum is starting to ache a little) and have basically cursed, typed, deleted what I typed, cursed again, taken a shower, cursed, eaten a pot pie, typed, deleted what I typed, surfed the net, cursed one last time, and am now writing this masterful piece of literature.

Right about now you’re thinking: why am I reading this? I don’t have an answer for you. Bad things happen to good people all the time.

Why did I quit the tool factory? I mean the smell of coolant in 100 degree weather isn’t that bad is it? Making $18,000 a year is like…like…

*sigh*

If this were a John Hughes movie a hot guy would be knocking on my door right now and asking to make out with me. Then he would say something brilliant that would motivate me to finish writing, make out with me again after reading the finished product, and ask me to marry him. (At which point I would find out he was both hot and rich.) Seriously. The universe mocks me in ways even Nostradamus couldn’t have anticipated.

Alright. I’m going to do this. I’m going to write it. It will be brilliant. It will be published. And someone will pay me a lot of money very soon to teach at their college. And a hot guy will make out with me.

See, I know the secret. To make it manifest you need only threaten people with imminent bodily harm until they do what you want them to. Works every time.

This is the paper you’re looking for. This is the paper your looking for. Ewan McGregor’s in love with me. This is the paper you’re looking for…



I am Obi-Wan Kenobi. I am pensive and hot.