Top Ten Reunion Moments

I went to my 10 year high school reunion this weekend. It was, I have to admit, surprisingly fun. I shouldn't say "surprisingly" as if I didn't expect to have a good time; I wouldn't have flown home if I didn't expect to have a good time. But I was surprised at myself--how much I enjoyed seeing and talking to people again; how nice it was to learn that people were happy and healthy; and last, but certainly not least, how totally sweet it is when a non-watered-down cocktail only costs $3.50. That last one possibly got me in trouble, but it wouldn't have been "just like the old days" unless I was stupidly ill in my parents' bathroom at least once.

It was requested, however, and I always answer my requests, that I offer up a top ten list for the weekend. It's okay, I know you want it. So here we go!

Top Ten Moments From Ye Olde 10 Year Reunion

10. Cockroaches in IL are blacker and jucier than cockroaches in NV.
So this one isn't technically "about" the reunion, but since you've all been with me in my recent cock-a-roach escapades I felt it worth putting on the list. I get home Thursday. Thursday night a friend and I watch Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (Alan Rickman, you know you love him). I get up for a drink and there on the floor if a GIANT black cockroach. I pick up my flip flop and kill him until he is dead. I return to the kitchen a little while later and there are TWO GIANT black cockroaches. I kill them, my martial-arts style technique impressive for even a prodigy of Bruce Lee, but before I can recover a THIRD GIANT black cockroach attacks from the side! The kitchen is now littered with carcasses, all oozing some stinky, yellowish-white substance and I suddenly remember why I hated killing cockroaches when I lived in that state. They're just so...juicy. At least out here they're dehydrated like everything else.

The crowning moment to this story is that the following morning when I told my dad he seriously needed to invest in some roach motel real estate he replied with, "if you walk hard enough you never see them." Thanks Dad. As always your logic is impeccable.

9. Narrowly avoided face-plants, trips, and other classy kung-fu moves on my part.
I'm feeling good; I'm feeling pretty. And then I missed the last step at the bar housing our official "reunion" and nearly face planted in front of several former classmates. It's hard to contain awesomeness such as this. Nothing says "I'm a fully grown classy lady" like breaking a fall with your face.

8. Some random dude from the bar I used to go to thinks we're friends.
Many (many) years ago I frequented a bar in my hometown. I frequented said bar almost every night of the week for two years because my roommate and I were what a professional might describe as "alcoholic" but what I like to simply term "fun." Many (many) other people frequented this bar because it was a popular place amongst the college students. A year or two ago I was sitting in a different bar in my hometown, over Christmas break I think, having a beer dressed nothing like the ho I once was and a fellow tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I used to attend this previously described bar awhile ago. I said yes and we chatted amicably for a second and then his friend hauled him away. I had a brief seizure as I attempted to remember what acts I committed in that bar that made me memorable six years later from all the other college girls that went there. This would make a find story in and of itself. But Saturday night, one or two years after our last encounter, he was at the bar the reunion was being held and tapped me on the shoulder. He said hi and we chatted amicably some more before I boogied out of there. I'm perplexed by this. It didn't seem like he wanted to sleep with me (it's been awhile, the radar could be off) and it didn't seem like he wanted to get to know me so what the hell? Like the homeless man who kissed me or the other homeless guy that asked me if the street we were walking on was the "road to nowhere" I feel my pheromones mock me by only attracting unfathomable situations and wildly inappropriate men. This doesn't actually have anything to do with the reunion either, but the story was too inconceivable not to share.

And really...if there are pictures of me somewhere doing something in that bar please burn them. I learned the lesson about no cameras while drinking WAY too late.

7. Once a geek, always a geek.
I feel I have the best high school senior prom date story ever. Only time I was asked to dance was by a friend and it was for the senior prom. My friend said, "Would you like to go to the prom? I thought about it and I figured you would be the most fun girl I could go with." And it was a great night. Fast forward ten years, this friend was at the reunion which was fantastic, and we fell into a conversation about the Watchmen, Transformers, and various other geeky endeavors. Those around us politely excused themselves and I thought this is why we always had such a good time together. Deep down inside, no matter how serious our jobs, or how grown up we have to be, some of us will always enjoy ourselves most while debating comic books and philosophy. T'was awesome.

6. I got to say where I lived.
It's shallow and it doesn't matter. It's not like I live anywhere more special than anywhere else (trust me I know, I live here) but I'm not married and I don't have kids and while I'm not any fatter than I ever was I'm also not any skinnier than I ever was. Getting to say I lived in a big city known for being a good time at least let me play the "I can carry alcohol on the street as I walk from penny slot to penny slot" card. It's not something that would make my mother proud and isn't like I saved a baby to get here, but it was something.

5. If you have a wedgie any attempt to fix it will be caught by someone turning the corner at the exact wrong time.
I wore the wrong underwear. Sort of like nearly face-planting this was my other crowning achievement. I'd like to think it's the universe's way of keeping me humble, but more likely I'm just a dumbass. So you step into a dark corner; you look left, right, and left again. You reach back for the quick tug and...someone walks around the corner and you're totally caught. Bastion of class. Right here.

4. If you didn't have anything to talk about in high school chances are, no matter how well meaning you both are, you will have nothing to talk about ten years later either.
Everyone is adult, or at least mostly adult. We all know how to carry on pleasant conversations. But once you say hi and run through what you're doing now there really isn't anywhere to go. And a couple of times as I stood awkwardly with my awkward smile pasted on my face I thought, "why can't I talk to this person?" I can talk to homeless guys, and carnie guys...I have even talked pleasantly with people that believe the Earth is 6,000 years old. But perfectly nice, sane people I shared four years of my life with...I've got nothing. A few of us lamented our social ineptitude together, but what could be done? If we aren't talking books, movies, the undead, or music I'm out. I got nothing.

3. A videocassette is still in existence that would make my mother cry.
New Years Eve 1999. Never EVER imbibe something illegal and then say yes when someone asks if you want to stand in front of the video camera. Ten years later it will come up. Seriously. Never. Ever.

2. The Breakfast Club was alive and well.
It was like the lunch room in high school. All of one type of kid on one side of the bar. All of another type of kid on the other side of the bar. I stood back in amazement as everyone gravitated towards their respective social hierarchy and I was amazed. I don't think it happened because anyone intended for it to happen--see #4.

As an addendum, an even better example of this happened as I stood in the bathroom waiting for my friend and three stall doors opened up, and three gorgeous women walked out. All in satin, mid-calf, black cocktail dresses. All with (almost) the same shade of blond hair. All with (almost) the same tan. All with fantastic shoes. I almost ducked into a stall, but it was too late. There was no way to avoid being rude. And again, I thought, why is this so uncomfortable? I think it's cause pretty people scare me.

My friend took forever getting out of the stall because she was laughing at me and didn't want to come out.

1. Everyone (apparently) was surprised I engaged in activities that are unhealthy.
Sometimes I engage in activities that come with the Surgeon General's warning on the box. Multiple people were shocked by this. All I gots to say is the only reason I wasn't breaking the law in high school is because no one showed me where the parties were. For everyone that really knows me, every time I do something that is unhealthy, stupid, or just plain dangerous my name is said with a sense of resignation that said activity was always inevitable. Did I really come off as that much of a good girl in high school? Lame.