I'm procrastinating...still. I've been procrastinating for two weeks now, but I actually have the document opened on my computer screen right now! And minimized so I can procrastinate by writing this blog.

I decided it was time to come clean. This isn't an easy process for me; I'm not proud of what I've done, but I feel I owe it to myself, my family, and my friends to admit to having a problem. I'm addicted to Star Trek. How addicted are you? you ask. I'm reading fanfiction--lots and lots of fanfiction. In alcohol terms, I just drank the bottle of rubbing alcohol because I was all out of scotch. I've sat on my loveseat with my computer on my lap and read score upon score of Spock/Uhura love stories and even a little Spock/Kirk. And this obsession has grown past Mr. Spock. I've fallen in obsession with the crew of The Next Generation; I've watched episodes of The Original Series and enjoyed them on an unhealthy level. I've watched the first SEVEN Star Trek movies and am currently contemplating doing it again.

This is like Twilight-quality pathetic here people. I'm going to walk into class on Monday and have to explain I have no syllabus and no lesson plan because I couldn't focus on anything except my own depraved Vulcan fantasies. I'm like an X-rated version of someone off Trekkies.

And there's nothing for it. Nothing I can do to make this better; no safety mechanism that can bring me back from the brink. Like any unhealthy relationship I just have to ride this one out; help has been offered but until I am in a place I can accept it, it does me no good. I've thrown myself into my obsession, the Star Trek equivalent of smoking an entire carton of cigarettes at once, in an attempt to kill this overwhelming fascination that roots me to my loveseat. But nothing is working. That's why I'm making this plea to the world.

I don't want to be one of those people on Trekkies, dangerously angry because my custom made Starfleet uniform has stripes that are two inches too thick. I don't want to be one of those people who can ONLY talk about Star Trek, and actually feels aggression towards those that dislike it. I don't want to be one of those people who speaks in Klingon because it's cool.

But I feel my humanity slipping away more and more each day. I find myself surfing the net for hot pictures of Leonard Nimoy (some actually do exist) and comparing the possibilities of new movies with the reality of the old ones. I speak of Spock and Uhura as if they were real people, and I become jealous of Nurse Chappel because I hate her. She doesn't deserve Spock. Her character is useless and offensive! See? That was an explosion of emotion that no sane, healthy person would experience.

I felt betrayed when I realized just how racist and sexist The Original Series was even though it did wonderful things for 1966; I've even gone on Amazon to see if there are any books out there I might want to read. So this is my plea for help. This is my cry to those around me to save my soul from the black-geek-hole that is Star Trek.

Or you can just come over and watch the movies with me. I'm really open to anything.