I want to write about the Devil. I haven't talked about my friend Satan in awhile, so it seems about time. I was watching Storm of the Century, a made for tv based on a Stephen King book or short story or something, and it got me thinking. As with all (ALL) Stephen King there is a demonic figure who terrorizes a small town in Maine (don't live in small town Maine) and the townsfolk have to deal with it as their strengths allow.

But as I sat and thought about this idea, and as anyone who has watched King's made for tv movies you know there is a lot of time to think because nothing happens for the first two and a half hours, I realized facing the Devil holds a decided lack of fear for me. Perhaps that sounds like an inane thing to say and I grant you it might be; after all, who am I to imagine what facing the Devil might be like? But here's the thing: first, I can only be so scared before I just get angry--it's a delightful tactic of self preservation. Second, what's the Devil going to do except kill me, torture me, or otherwise torment me? I understand the second point might need more clarification.

The fact of the matter is I can't fight the Devil. What am I gonna do, pull out my rosary and pretend to be Catholic? Make a cross with my fingers and recite the Lord's prayer? Either the powers of light save me or the Devil torments me. I have very little power in the situation. I know I wouldn't make any deals, and would, in fact, not listen to him at all. When the Devil speaks it's best to put your fingers in your ears and say "la la la!" over and over again. That saves my soul as best I know how and after that, what can you do? I have no great celestial powers; I know no special prayers for banishment. I don't even know an old priest, let alone a young one. You want to throw demons at me, shadowy evil, or old fashioned ghosts and we got a fight on our hands. Even whatever IT is I would be willing to throw down with. But the Devil, Satan, Lucifer himself? I got nothing but resignation and no fear. Either he has his way or he doesn't, but all I can do put on some Star Trek and hope he leaves me alone.

And this is why the Devil as the primary bad guy doesn't work in a scary story for me. What's to be scared of? It's the mother *&^#*$^& Devil kids. Fear is a little wasted at that point, don't you think? Once you're face to face with the bastard well...not a whole lot you can do at that point except studiously avoid answering any questions lest you inadvertently barter your immortal soul.

Speaking of which...why do people talk to the Devil?! Especially when they know he's the Devil?! Why do that? You KNOW he's the Devil; you KNOW he only wants to hurt you. Why listen when he says, "I just want to talk for a moment." Seriously people. It's the Devil. Just walk away.

And living in Sin City I feel it's possible I can take this stance because I've met him a couple of times on Fremont Street. And he was a frat boy.