I just watched Wuthering Heights. It was a risk. I assessed it and I took it, and now I'm sorry. I hate the story of Wuthering Heights you understand; while I understand the appeal of Heathcliff generally he annoys me and disgusts me with his hate. Catherine isn't much better as she's C-R-A-Z-Y. I spell it out to make sure we're on the same page here.

But netflix being the devil, I saw the 1970 version starring Timothy Dalton and I thought to myself, "self--if anyone can make Heathcliff hot it's Timothy Dalton." I wasn't wholly wrong; young Timothy Dalton strutting around doing a lot of brooding and passionate kissing isn't a bad thing, but when said passionate kissing is preceded or followed by a slap to the face I pretty much lose interest. There's nothing wrong with the rough and tumble, sometimes rough is nice, but rough doesn't include a slap to the face. And frankly, I don't care how "passionate" you are--if yours is the sort of love that requires you to slap me, toss me to the ground or, you know, ruin my life, then perhaps it isn't the sort of love one should pursue.

Which brings me to a side point--the old cliché, love is enough? I hate that silliness. In fact the only thing I hate more than that is "love means never having to say you're sorry." The second one is just dumb, and the first one--doesn't it depend entirely on what sort of love you have? If you've got Superman love, or Spartan love, hell, even if all you've got is Dracula love--love might be enough. In all of those cases you're safety overrules all other concerns, but if you've got Heathcliff love, or Phantom love, or Darth Vader love? Honey, your love best be coming with a security guard and some sort of his-crazy-may-kill-you warning device. Love is only enough in those situations to get your dumb ass in trouble; it most certainly is not enough to pull you back out again.

Perhaps that's why I hate love (oh! don't tell anyone!). I don't hate love, but I do hate "love." The crap that's fed to us from birth about one spiritual partner who is going to make us complete, make us whole, save us from our lives and ourselves and everything else. Crap people. That's crap. I'm not being cynical here, just telling you an unfortunate truth. But it's a truth that a) keeps us from finding true love and b) causes us to think that all love was created equal. This is how you get young kids in destructive relationships (exhibit a: Heathcliff and Catherine) who think that because it hurts to be apart they should obviously be together. Said kids never take a look at their relationship to realize that when they are together it's a bit like an atom bomb--not good for them, not good for the environment, not good for the radiation exposure of those around them.

But we think it's love. We think that because we want something emotionally it must be necessary to our happiness; we don't act that way about plastic toys after the age of ten, so why the hell do we act that way about love? Keep in mind I'm not talking about real, honest to goodness, healthy love here people. The kind where you bring out the best in each other and are always happier when you are together than when you are apart (even when you kind of want to punch the other person in the face). I'm talking about the constructed idea of love. The idea of someone who saves you, or fixes you, or, basically, does anything to you. Really, all you get to do is love me. Ask anyone who has dated a crazy, nobody can fix that crazy but themself.

And that brings me full circle back to Wuthering Heights. You see, in this particular adaptation they tried to make the play that what Heathcliff and Catherine had was such true, undying love that nothing could separate them except themselves and once they wanted each other they would always be together--even in death. You know what I think really goes on here? They're addicted to each other like crack cocaine and now they can spend an eternity being high, crashing down, and wondering when they got so ugly.

I'm not being cynical here people. I'm not saying I don't want to be loved. I'm saying my love best not come with a slap in the face, a noose around my neck, or a trachea cut off by the dark side. I feel that any relationship coming to us with those strings attached doesn't deserve to be lauded as "true" love and we would all be happier, less crazy people if we could accept that.

I know, it makes me boring. But it also makes me not the friend that calls you during a mental breakdown because her obviously crazy, obviously unstable boyfriend went crazy and unstable on her. There are bonuses to my philosophy.