A little trashy romance rant. Poor white girl is having a discussion with rich white boy. Poor white girl scoffs at rich white boy's hard life because, well, he's rich, white, and a boy. Oh, and his parents love him too. And he was never molested. Or beaten. Or ignored. So, when poor white girl points out how easy rich white boy has had it he argues back. But does he argue with his own experiences of "having it tough" or "working hard?" Oh no. He argues with his grandfather's experience--the man that created the family fortune--and his dad's experience--a poor Native American. Because his patriarchal line has worked hard that somehow entitles him to understand her pain and beat her in an argument of whose had a hard life because his family "doesn't forget their roots."

Really? I mean, I'm Irish, but I'm fairly certain I don't know what it's like to be without my potatoes--or any other food for that matter. Does "not forgetting my roots" mean I can sit down and really empathize with people who are starving? I'm gonna have to vote for no on this one. I really feel like Nora Roberts dropped the ball in this particular instance. She's been growing on me, but if you want your rich white hero to be a badass then you're going to have to do it without him claiming his elders' badassness as his own. Isn't that, like, the definition of a poser? Honestly, it's no wonder I can't find true love when I keep reading these books.

Oh! It's a top ten list!

Top Ten Things Trashy Romance Has Taught Me To Look For In A Man:

10. Love At First Sight

It all starts with Love at First Sight. Perhaps you're in a crowded room. Perhaps you're standing by yourself in a corner. Perhaps you've just spilled ink all down your regency style bodice. It doesn't matter. He sees you across time and space and finds you charming, fresh, and, most importantly, sexy. Your not like any other girl he's known. He wants to get to know you immediately, in fact he can barely control himself. You on the other hand are drawn to his...

9. Animal Sexuality

It radiates off of him. This is no mouse; this is a man! Everything about him is masculine even his sinfully long eyelashes. His face would be beautiful, but his strong jaw saves it from beauty marking him as handsome instead. You feel things you've never felt before. Dream of doing things you've never done before. And his animal sexuality, his predatoriness, his feline walk all enhance his innate male strength showing you he's a...

8. Warrior

Maybe he boxes with the other Lords. Maybe he's a cowboy, or a savage. Whatever his life he rides better, shoots better, and fights better than any other man around. You're always safe with him and you can always count on him to rescue you. In fact, the only person you ever have to worry about hurting you when you're with him is...well, him. But none of that matters because you're both...

7. Crazy With Lust

It can't be controlled or understood. He can't stop thinking about you. Can't figure out why he's so attracted to you and it drives him mad. You melt every time he's near. Your pulse beats so erratically that he can tell across the room. He smells you when you walk by, has a constant erection when you're near that he's not ashamed of. In fact, he's proud of it, pointing out how you affect him every time the two of you are alone. He does this because he's...

6. Smarter Than You

You're smart. You're savvy. You can outwit every other woman at the ball and all the other men. But you can't outwit him. It's not your fault; he's been manipulated by women before and is never to outsmarted by one again. And besides, he knows your body better than you do. That's why he's a...

5. Casanova

When he kisses you it's hot. When he kisses your neck its hot. When he kisses your hand its hot. Basically everything he does no matter how fast, slow, hard, easy, or seemingly silly is hot. That's because he knows exactly how to work your body like a conductor in front of the Boston Pops. But that's not a bad thing. How were you to know what love and sex were all about with him to teach you? How were you to discover what love was until he showed you? But there's a down side. He's not ready to love yet because he's...

4. Brooding and Broken

His hearts been broken and he now he's gun shy. He never smiled until he met you, and often he will sit sullenly in his study for hours with his brandy trying desperately not to think about you. In fact the idea of being in love is so frightening, so completely untenable that it makes him...

3. S.E.A.--Slightly Emotionally Abusive

It's not his fault. He's just so out of control because he loves you so much. He wouldn't be this way if you weren't so wonderful. If he could admit that he loved you. But you make him so mad. And just when he thinks there's a chance at happiness there you are smiling at a man on the street and all his worst fears are confirmed. He can't be expected to control his irrational jealousy. He can't be expected to wait for you to accept him. You need to enter into this relationship on his terms. As he says. And what's wrong with that? After all...

2. You Know You Want It

That's right. A man with strength. A man with passion. A man who can make you orgasm even when you've said no to sex. That's true love right there. And if you love him through all of this, if you persist in gentling his beast by gifting his forceful taking of your body with an orgasm his guilt will set him free. He'll realize he's only been fighting himself and he'll be so sorry for how he treated you. In fact, he'll never treat you that way again. Because...

1. All He Needs Is Love

That's right. Your refusal to stop loving him. Your refusal to give up on him after all the harsh words (like calling you a whore outright or implying it) all the physical fights (his nearly date raping you or, in some cases, actually raping you when you wouldn't give in to the physical desire) and mistreatments (his walking out on you for months at a time while he figures his feelings out leaving you broken and bereft and, if you're lucky, pregnant) has finally won him over. He just needed a good woman who could heal him with her vagina and it was you. Only you could have done it because he has only ever really loved you. He loved you from that first moment he saw you and now he can finally allow himself to admit it.

Congratulations on your happy marriage. He will always be the perfect husband and give you many, many children. And he'll never act like such a horrible person again. It's just that you make him so crazy...

Ah trashy romance. It's a great industry isn't it?