I'm at my parents house which means there are any number of things I could be talking about. It also means they are all painfully boring and not worth mentioning. I should share a few discoveries this visit, however:

1) After looking through all the schoolwork and report cards my mother thoughtfully left for me in my bedroom I've discovered I wasn't nearly as smart as I thought or remembered myself to be and, in fact, prior to 6th grade was barely average. Go me.
2) The most exciting happenings in my life lately are riding with my parents in their mini-van singing along to Disney tunes. I. Am. A. Rockstar.
3) No matter how old, wise, and in control of my life I am I still want to punch my mother in the face when I'm menstruating. This urge is not entirely her fault and I acknowledge that.

These have all been important life discoveries and I'm really happy I could share them with you.

Now, on to the more important topic of the day--did you know in The Little Mermaid that Ariel is only 16? 16! She's running off to marry her prince, lying to her father, making deals with witches, and trying to get it on with the love of her life in three days at 16. I never noticed this when I was a kid, and normally I'm not a Disney basher, but this is really something. I've always loved this movie; I used to swim around in our little plastic pool in the backyard singing the songs with my neighbor. I was very pro little Mermaid as a kid. But 16?!

A friend of a friend hates this movie because Ariel disobeys her father and gets in obscene amounts of trouble before having to be saved and then, in turn, having to save others. That's another theme of the movie I missed. I think that says more about your personality, though; some of us never questioned a child's right to thwart an overbearing parent. And by overbearing I mean a father that doesn't want you to runaway to another country and throw yourself at a boy when you're only 16. Huh, who knew? Her father seemed so harsh when I was little...

Finally, I would like to invite you all to a book burning. I know, me, burn books? But this book deserves it, really. Let me 'splain. No, that take too long, let me sum up.

27 year old man adopts 14 year old girl and has her live with his sister. Girl follows man around like a puppy dog, taking care of him when he's drunk. When she's 18 and he's 31 he kisses her and forces her onto a couch. Girl freezes. Man becomes angry at girl and says she's not a "real" woman. Girl goes to college. At 22 girl comes home from college and man makes fun of her, uses her body against her, and again accuses her of being "naive," "innocent," and "underdeveloped." Girl loses memory. Man assumes responsibility for girl's care and seduces her. Man is thrilled girl responds to his caresses and decides they can now be together because she "accepts" him as a "woman should." Girl gets memory back, runs away from man. Man follows girl, proposes marriage and explains that the only reason he ignored her, emotionally abused her, and almost raped her was because she was innocent and childlike and unable to respond to him in that way a woman responds to a man. Now that she likes it when he touches her he can love her back. 35 year old man marries 22 year old girl. The End.

Maybe, if I'm really, really lucky some day an older man will attempt to force himself on me, emotionally abuse me, and then propose marriage. That's true love baby. It's a shame I'm not still 16 or I could run off and do it all to a Disney soundtrack. Do you see now why this book needs to be burned? Some girl, some where is reading this book not being appalled by the behavior of the so-called hero thinking that when the cute boy makes fun of her it's okay because she just needs to debase herself completely and then he'll love her. I mean, isn't that how all the best relationships get started?

I'm going to burn this book and cook s'mores over its flames. Then I'm going to spit on its ashes. Why is it so hard to find a decent wounded cowboy these days who broods without being all emo and whiny? I might punch the next guy who complains that he's hurt and can't trust women again because he dated a girl who was obviously crazy and obviously unstable and then (surprise surprise) she acted crazy and unstable when they dated.

As a good friend of mine pointed out all us girls always seem to be in the position of the crazy girlfriend, or the girlfriend after the crazy girlfriend trying to heal their poor, broken souls. We're always on the defensive ladies and as we all know the best defense is a good offense. So next time your guys starts in about his crazy ex (who was probably crazy cause he drove her that way) punch him in the face. This could be the start of a revolution.

Viva le revolucion!