I've been toying with this idea for awhile and I think this is the perfect forum in which to test it. So it is that I have decided to prove that Dante's nine circles of hell actually correspond perfectly to Las Vegas. I stole my circle summaries from Wikipedia.

First Circle--Limbo

This is the circle for those not actively punished, the unbaptized and virtuous pagans. You can see their existence on the outskirts of Las Vegas; these are the people that live in North Las Vegas and Henderson. Far away from the center they still bask in the hellish glow of the strip, surrounded on all sides by the rusty red mountains that prevent escape. Their souls isn't actively sucked, but they still wither away, suffering, just like the rest.

Second Circle--Lust

Those overcome by lust exist in this circle. The string of wedding chapels that ring the city wait, sitting quietly and unobtrusively. But once you enter you exit in chains, bound by your lust to a hellish incubus or succubus that will never release you, doomed to suffer for all eternity. Those that avoid the bowers of bliss are tossed from strip club to strip club in the hot winds, never to find culmination or release.

Third Circle--Gluttony

The people that make garbage of their lives are doomed to exist in the filth of hell. These are the souls that are trapped in cheap casino buffets, surrounded by their own leftovers and unable to leave. The floor is sticky, covered with grease and the food is cold and cheap, but still the return, over and over again, for another trip--they cannot get out. The maze of the buffet traps them, preventing their escape and their dishes pile up around them, crusted with food as the smell of stale cigarettes infests their senses.

Fourth Circle--Greed

The avaricious who hoarded their material items and the prodigal who squandered them live here. These are the gamblers, subsisting on the edges of the casinos they sit at their slot machines putting quarter after quarter into the hole. Hoping to hit the jackpot, refusing to give up in case the machine pays out to the next person these slot players fight only themselves, desperate to beat the house.

Fifth Circle--Wrath

The wrathful fight each other in stagnant water as the slothful and sullen lie underneath its surface. Wading in dirty, hot pool water the angry and the drunk attend pool parties on the strip. Forever angry these young fraternal boys fight endlessly for women that aren't there. Their brothers float underneath, those that don't want to leave the hotel; in Vegas they simply exist, choking on the water and the air as their brothers fight each other above.

Sixth Circle--Heresy

Heretics are trapped in flaming tombs. These are the people that stand on the street preaching the hatred of their god. Holding their signs they are burnt by the sun, their shoes melted to the pavement and unable to escape the fire that liquefies their skin. Convinced they suffer because of others, they cannot see the sign they hold magnifies the painful, burning rays.

Seventh Circle--The Violent (in three rings)

Outer Ring: The violent against people and property are punished according to the severity of their sins. Here are the back alleys, the hidden crannies, and the places without cameras where the card counters, the cheaters, and the frauds are beaten.

Middle Ring: Those that committed suicide exist here in perpetual suffering. The are the ones that sit on the street, starving, miserable, and alone. They seek escape, understanding, forgiveness, but nobody sees them as they walk on by.

Inner Ring: The violent against god, nature, and art sit on a sea of burning sand while burning flakes fall on them from sky. This is the Valley of Fire. Those that are violent are taken here and left, forty miles from water, shade, or civilization to suffer everlasting.

Eighth Circle--The Fraudulent

Those guilty of committing deliberate knowing evil live here. These are the casino boss' and owners. These are the "developers" who knowingly destroy the water and the resources to provide the veneer of comfort. As the crowds look on in splendor they walk by, picking pockets from behind, laughing at the pain inside their establishments. But they keep losing the money they steal as it drains out the holes in their pockets worn through by over development. They grab more and more making bigger and bigger holes which continuously drains the money.

Ninth Circle--The Betrayers

Those that betray one they love suffer here. Here, on the strip, where friends steal chips from friends and abandon each other in search of a party. They wander aimlessly, seeking forgiveness, genuine love, but suffer for their betrayal--surrounded by people they are only wanted for what they can offer, what they can give. Broken and lonely these people lament their life as the friends they forgot lie broken and alone.

Hmm...this was supposed to be funny, but it's actually kind of depressing. That's probably because Dante's descriptions of Hell are depressing. But here you have it, Vegas as Hell baby. That was all eerily easy to do...