It's a special night my friends. Tonight we don't dine in hell. No, nor do we stop the forces of darkness from over-running the good and free peoples of Middle Earth. Tonight we gouge evil out of its shell. That's right. Gouge evil. Out of its shell. That is just one of many life changing quotes from my cinematic experience this evening.

I just saw In The Name Of The King and it is perhaps the greatest, most astounding piece of epic medieval sword-fighting cinema ever to grace that delicate silver screen since Dungeons and Dragons. I know it seems like a ludicrous claim to you, after all, nothing could be better than Dungeons and Dragons and in all honesty, until tonight, I thought nothing was. Except perhaps Kull the Conqueror. But In The Name of the King puts them all to shame.

This movie has sword fights, magic fights, and magic sword fights. This movie has a farmer known simply as "Farmer" because he believes "people should be known by what they do." This is only a piece of his wisdom, but you only need a piece of the wisdom because Farmer farms turnips and knows kung fu. How does he know kung fu? We don't know. It's inherent because he is a great man and all great men know kung fu. But more amazing than any of the fighting or the magic, or the fantastic dialogue...is Burt Reynolds. That's right. Burt Reynolds plays the king. Why is Burt in this movie? I don't know--maybe he was bored, maybe he was hard up for cash, maybe he was inspired by the script.

But the cast doesn't stop at Burt Reynolds. There is John Rhys-Davies, Ron Perlman, Leelee Sobrieski, and the incomparable Ray Liotta. Ray Liotta who is dressed like Liberaci for most of the movie, and carries all the evil weight of a magic card player gone bad. I'm confused as to how this movie came to be. It perplexes me how these people were talked into starring in it. Did some say it would be like Willow? It would be if there was a midget and it was good. At times they seem to steal footage from LOTR, not to mention the battle between the old mages at the end that doesn't just bring Obi-Won and Darth Vader to mind, but very nearly plagiarizes the scene from of Obi-Won's death.

But I laughed--I laughed through the whole thing. And the really weird part was the music wasn't half bad. But it didn't always fit the mood exactly, and often times was so sweepingly melodramatic that you felt like the movie must be a comedy. In fact, as a comedy it almost works. I would buy it as a spoof of a swords and sorcerers movie. But as a serious movie? While it does get better as the movie progresses it doesn't get that good. You get the impression that Burt Reynolds isn't laughing in some scenes because it's in the script, but very specifically because he can't keep a straight face.

And I really shouldn't forget Matthew Lilliard. He is the star of this little production. He plays the sniveling, backstabbing nephew to perfection, even going so far as to produce flying spittle in multiple scenes. It's a thing of beauty and he really does a lot to make the movie incredibly enjoyable.

It was a good time. I feel like anytime I'm presented a story set in a medieval world where my hero is a scimitar wielding, boomerang throwing, kung fu farmer named Farmer I can't help but be entertained.

I had planned multiple times over this weekend to share many life changing moments with you. I've been to L.A. and San Diego. My car has officially driven coast to coast, and I have been in the Pacific Ocean now along with the Atlantic and the Gulf of Mexico. I've seen the Hollywood sign and talked taken a stress tests from scientologists. It's been a busy weekend and I've got another week of fun before things calm down. But I give instead of all of that this musing on In The Name of the King.

Go now and gouge evil from its shell.