I apologize for my laxness these past weeks. I've been vacationing you see. Granted said vacation has been happening in Vegas, but since I have yet to really "do it up" as it were, myself and my guest have been touring like only mad tourists can. And it is a shame for I have much to talk about--Donnie Darko, Freedom Writers, I Am Legend. All of these things deserve to be considered and I have considered none of them. I actually started a post on the flight back here and thought to entertain you all with thoughts thousands of feet in the sky, but I'm not sure how those thoughts are going to be reformulated later.

I thought I would first remark that the "balls in face" scene from Borat was incredibly funny and I wouldn't say anyone was weird that liked it. Would I willingly walk into it again? I don't know. But I did laugh and upon retrospect it seems less disturbing. That could also be because something inside of me has broken and will never heal right again.

Also, it occurs to me today after having visited some of the western mountains around the valley that if I could live outside Las Vegas in the mountains I think I might be happier with my situation. I would be more cut off from everything, and should zombies attack less likely to survive, but it is beautiful there. Absolutely gorgeous, and while it is still a desert, it doesn't feel dead. It's vibrant and alive. The mountains are magnificent, craggy, towering, and unforgiving. The grays blend into amazing reds, oranges, browns, and sometimes yellows. Right now snow litters the peaks and the plant life abounds in shades of green, yellow, and sometimes red. All in all, it doesn't feel so false, so needy, as the city itself. Vegas sucks the life out of you, bit by bit, it makes you hard. In the constant struggle to stay alive, stay who you are, stay normal all the softer parts of you have to be tucked away and protected. Out in the mountains life wouldn't be easier because the mountains are as unforgiving as the desert valley is, but the civilization itself, the place where I would make my home if I lived out there isn't based on neon, gambling, and false hope.

I'm desensitized to sex billboards and flashy signs and people who try to sell me stuff as I walk by. I don't even notice homeless people like I used too. I'm less self-aware, but more self-conscious at the same time. Vegas demands that you accept it. It demands that you be aware of it all the time. It's a strange sensation, almost like another world, certainly its own country. I like it more now than I did before Christmas, but while I feel less claustrophobic, at least for the moment, I have no idea where this coming semester will take me. Living my life as a student/teacher I find my year has become broken up into sixteen week chunks. What's most scary about that is that everything changes so much each semester and so now I look on with trepidation not only because I have more work to do, papers to grade, write, and texts to read, but also because I know I will continue to change. And I think maybe, because I've changed so much since I started this back to school adventure two and a half years ago, that I would really like to just have a simple semester.

How egotistical does that sound? Maybe it doesn't make sense at all. But I wasn't ready to talk about any of the aforementioned movies and did feel I needed to get back in the habit of sharing thoughts so this is what you get. This is all part of my continued attempt to understand the land that is Las Vegas and my place within it. It continues to amaze me how much of it still is "the Wild West" in a true sense of the phrase and maybe it's all as simple as me just trying to find my place within it. I am, after all, just a farm girl--even if I didn't grow up on a farm.

So I think that's a good place to start the year. It's inquisitive. It is without resolution because I despise New Year's resolutions. But I might share some pictures of the mountains so that you all might understand. Or you can just come to Vegas and see for yourself. I recommend that.