Whose afraid of the big bad wolf? Not I. Why you ask? Because he has officially joined the list of murders, hitman, and psychopaths that I’ve fallen in love with. First there was the Phantom from Phantom of the Opera. Then there was Anakin Skywalker (before he loses all the parts that are necessary for my sort of love to go on). Slevin from Lucky Number Slevin. I know I’m missing some, but regardless, I now feel strong, undying love for Bigby Wolf, a.k.a. the Big Bad Wolf of yore.

I’ve been reading a graphic novel series known as Fables. I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys a good story—it reimagines the world(s) of fairy tales and the characters in them. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant, and the best part is, it’s intensely detective noir. Bigby Wolf is the underdog sheriff of Fabletown with the hots (unacknowledged of course) for Snow White and the perpetual hate of most of the community. Him having been said wolf prior to the founding of Fabletown he did try to eat a number of the inhabitants. I won’t ruin it for you wasting time explaining how the story unfolds, but needless to say, the big bad wolf is hot.

And all of these musings have led me to conclude that I obviously need to marry a werewolf. I mean, doesn’t every girl want a husband that growls at her on occasion? Just a little bit? No? Well, maybe it’s just me. I’m so not into bestiality, but my werewolf obsession (combined with my somewhat sketchy attraction to the devil in Legend) does make a person wonder sometimes…I think it’s the animalistic thing. Hot, wild, unfettered sex—and if said hot, wild, unfettered sex happens with a werewolf detective then you know it’s going to be good. After all, it’s his job to solve the mystery and you just became the mystery. I think I could stand to be solved.

But aside from the hot, wild, unfettered sex the truth of the situation is that Bigby Wolf, the Phantom, Anakin Skywalker, even Slevin…they all just love so much. Yeah I know, it’s a let down for me to go all sappy here at the end, but hear me out. They are everything a girl could want (minus the mass murdering thing, but nobody’s perfect). It’s never just about sex with them, but they are completely not bothered by the Madonna/Whore complex. They love you just like you are and they love you so much! Sometimes like a plastic bag over your face, but never half-heartedly. It’s never luke-warm with these guys. They’re wounded and broken, but still yearning for a woman who will heal them. They’re losers, but only because they wouldn’t compromise their integrity. And they are always so very, very manly. I mean, come on ladies—sure some of them kill/eat/maim/assassinate people on occasion. Sure one of them is a wolf some of the time, one of them is mostly robotic and covered in burn scars, and one of them has a disfigured face. But these are all surface issues. Just think about the passion roiling under the surface! Granted, said passion might lead to your untimely death when they kill you in a rage, but it would be a hell of a good time up until then.

And the big bad wolf would never kill you in a rage which is why he is my current favorite.

It’s not about who they are, but what they are. I could totally be happy married to an accountant or a teacher or a janitor. But only if he’s got a whole lot of wolf in him, and just enough man to keep it in check.