Did you know I have been blogging for over a year now?  Well, of course you know as you can see the dates on the screen, but I simply must point it out.  It is amazing!  That’s all I’ve got really, I’m not drunk, just tired.  And yet, still I sit here typing….

I do wish sometimes there were a message board on this thing—I would be interested to know who actually reads this bastard and what they think.  Have I ever pissed anyone off?  My instinct would be yes, but one never knows.  I always think I aggravate people more than I do.  Apparently I fade into obscurity fairly easily.

For instance, the other weekend I was talking with an old comrade from school and I asked him to tell me honestly if people ever ranted and raved about me.  Had I left any bad feelings behind?  He thought about it for awhile and said no, I was just that drummer girl who was a music major.  Now I suppose this is good in that I made no enemies, but I never riled anyone either.  I left no mark or memories so strong that people remember me.  I find that terribly depressing. 

Do I affect anyone I know really?  Is anyone I talk to or correspond with a better person for knowing me?  Or am I just one more of the crowd?  Everyone likes to think their special.  Everyone wants to be remembered but we aren’t.  Or, at least, I’m not.  How disappointing.  Many call me blunt, but am I truly?  Some day I would like to take a poll?  Have I ever been truly blunt with you?  And did it serve a good purpose?  That is what I would like to know.  Should anyone reading this have a way to contact me feel free to answer that question.  I would like an answer.

I am blunt because I have no patience for politics or games.  Tact has its place, and truth be told I can be quite tactful when necessary, but I don’t lie and I don’t fake.  I can’t be anything but blunt because my body language gives me away.  I feel like less of a person if I tell someone what s/he wants to hear instead of what I believe to be true.  Nine times out of ten I hold quite a bit back because I don’t know everything, therefore, no one needs to be burdened with uncensored me, but I would say I lay it out pretty straight.  It has only been in the last year or so that I have begun to watch what I say to certain friends.  It has only been recently that I learned fully the repercussions of having a big mouth.  I’m still struggling with how I want to handle that. 

Life is simpler if you cut through the bullshit.  If you can just talk to each other like adults it saves so much time.  But who wants to hear the truth really?  Or the truth as it is seen by the person presenting it.  Most times I do not.  I want to live in my own happy world; I admit it.  But wouldn’t it be better if I weren’t working under false assumptions.  Is it not better for me to know how you really feel so I can go away if needed or stay close of wanted?  That just seems like a better way to do things.

I haven’t got much tonight, I’m too tired and too burnt out from work for much.  I apologize that this is all I’ve got, but I’ll build on it.  I think this idea has some merit.  And if it doesn’t, I won’t remember it in the morning anyway. 

That’s why I’m perfect.  I keep forgetting my faults. ;)