Oh Little Women. Stupid, stupid, stupid movie. We spend the first half of the movie seeing Jo and Laurie together being best friends and (this is helped by Laurie being played by Christian Bale) I totally fell in love with Laurie. He's adorable, sensitive, and a musician. He and Jo just seem meant to be. But then, after the oldest sister gets married and Laurie makes his move Jo tells him she just doesn't love him. It's heartbreaking but I'm still there.

Then there's Beth going through the whole thing, the Scarlet fever, the dying...you know how the story goes.

So, long story short, here I am teary-eyed on the couch. First I'm tearing up because of Beth, then I'm tearing up because Beth gets better, then I tear up because Jo doesn't love Laurie, but then...Laurie falls in love with Amy. Amy! How can Laurie fall in love with Amy?!

It isn't that Amy isn't pretty, and it isn't that I don't think Amy deserves happiness, but not with Laurie. The worst of it is, the movie short changes the Laurie-Amy, Jo-Professor relationship so it is hard to buy that Jo and Laurie don't actually love each other. I'm told the book is more clear and better demonstrates the various love stories, but I'm totally not sold.

And, AND! Laurie tells Amy that he knew he was "destined to marry a March." I don't know about you guys, but if some dude tells me he knows he's destined for my family after having the hots for my sister I'm not going to quickly or easily believe his protestations of love. He says "hey I totally fell in love with your sister, but it's cool. I don't love her anymore. Besides, I always knew I was destined to marry into your family. Baby I love you." Me? I say, "Hmm...maybe not." Unless it's Christian Bale and then I just roll with it, but you know how it is.

So the question is: does Jo belong with the Professor or with Laurie? And why, if Laurie isn't her true love, does the first half of the movie spend so much time making it seem like it must be so? Perhaps it is simply that as childhood best friends I've been conditioned by Western literature to expect a romantic ending for the two of them. I am reasonably sure that is part of it. When I watch a movie or read a book I've been trained to recognize appropriate romantic pairings from the beginning. Ms. Alcott's story messes with my expectations in a way I was not properly prepared for. Why don't they ever give you enough screen time with the Professor so that you can bond with him? Why do they give me family tragedy and deny me acceptable true love?! I'm so frustrated by Louise May Alcott and her stupid trueish story.

So now I'm watching The Incredible Hulk because the best way to deal healthy with an overabundance of emotion is to watch crap blow up.

And, on that note, I think I have to add Bruce Banner to my list of men I love that might kill me why I sleep. After all, if you wanna talk about nice guy/bad boy dichotomy the Hulk is pretty much the archetype. Tender, sensitive scientist who turns into a monster of rage and emotion and doesn't mean to hurt you. Truth be told, I was never one to love the Hulk romantically myself, but I did always feel sorry for him. He loves Betty so much but his Hulkiness keeps them apart. It's tragedy worthy of Shakespeare I'm telling you. Not to mention we used to watch the old t.v. show every morning before swim practice--it was, perhaps, the most depressing show ever. It's a wonder I never drowned myself at swimming lessons.

So here I sit on my couch, empathizing with Bruce Banner and torn over my feelings about Jo, Laurie, Amy, and the Professor.

Little Women made me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry.