I'm sitting in the Chicago O'Hare airport, waiting for my delayed flight. A middle-aged man somewhere between his mid-forties and early fifties walks by wearing a hooded, zip up sweatshirt. On the back in large, bright, pink lettering is:

Love Me
Hate Me
Fuck Me

I'm in a bit of a quandary over this. On the one hand I don't believe in censorship--I would never want there to be a law or any fine imposed on people for their speech. However, I do believe (very strongly) in manners and taste. There are several adolescent girls hanging out in our concourse alone, not to mention all the children he walked by to get here. My question is this: Is this sweatshirt really necessary sir? Really? What is it you are saying that demands to be said across Chicago International Airport in such a way?

I want to take a break and let you all know I know how much I sound like my mother right now.

But here's the thing; I've always found shirts with curse words written on them tacky. I'm obviously not one who is afraid to curse, nor do I think it makes a moral or ethical difference to say freak instead of fuck if the meaning behind it is the same. Language carries the meaning you attach to it and all that. But, knowing all of these things, there is also the knowledge that language you put into the world--through speech, shirts, or what have you--gains half its meaning from what those listening or reading attach to it. So, what is it about this guys sweatshirt that demands it be said in public in this way?

At least if it were a political statement I could understand. If it were some sort of obvious personal statement that seemed fairly necessary to his existence in this world as a person I would also understand.. And, AND! What the hell is his sweatshirt saying anyway? I mean, it's bad enough that I find it rude and inappropriate in the airport context, but what is being said here? No matter how you feel about him sleep with him? Love me, hate me, but don't subject me to inane attempts at individuality.

Okay...I have to interrupt this rant to explain something very important I've discovered. This man is in Ted Nugent's band. In fact, Ted Nugent is flying on the puddle-jumper airplane with me out of Chicago. Wow. I mean, I don't particularly like Ted Nugent, but it's still really freaking cool (I think freaking works better in this context don't you?) that I'm sharing a plane with him and his band. Who knew?

Cut to later when we've landed and are finally at our destination. It was a thoroughly annoying flight complete with delays, gate changes, and waiting on the tarmac for take off for almost an hour . Then, because of all the delays instead of landing before the thunderstorm we flew through it. That means I almost died with Ted Nugent too. I'm not nearly as excited about that. Finally, I had to sit behind sweatshirt man while he chatted up the pretty, young girl next to him--this guy is an old rockstar with hair that's thinning still worn long and the aforementioned writing on the back of his clothing. It was entirely possible I was going to do a lot more than hate him before this flight was over.

Thankfully we landed, though, and as my friend and I walked out the airport I looked behind to make sure the coast was clear and said quite loudly, "I just flew with Ted Nugent! That's so cool!" I then turned around. Ted Nugent was on his cell phone ten feet ahead giving me the eye as he continued his conversation. Sometimes I'm so cool even I don't know how I resist me. On the plus side, he's crazy conservative so I don't have to feel that bad that I didn't wow him with my coolness.

I flew with Ted Nugent. That's so cool.