I’ve had several moments I’ve wanted to write about and share, but unfortunately I’ve found neither the time nor the motivation. They were brilliant moments, though; you have my word on that.

But I recently saw both Kung Fu Panda and The Hulk, so obviously we should have a discussion about both. First off, I enjoyed each immensely—what is a movie if not entertaining? I ask this because I also saw The Strangers recently and while it was excellently done, cinematography, music, acting, everything was superb, but I didn’t enjoy myself. Why make a movie that neither educates, nor entertains? Some tragedies are not entertaining (I’m thinking here of Schindler’s List which I still haven’t seen or the ever controversial The Passion of Christ) but teach you something, either about history or yourself. And some movies are pure entertainment without teaching anything. But a movie that doesn’t entertain and doesn’t educate…what’s the point?

I know there are people that no doubt loved The Strangers, but I wasn’t one of them. I have nothing bad to say about it artistically, my dislike is purely a matter of taste. I find porn boring and I find two hours of mental torture needless. Giving me something flashy, fun, and shiny. Or at least dark with purpose.

The Hulk on the other hand, oh my. It has been percolating in me ever since last night and I’m still not sure how I feel exactly, but I know I like it the more and more I think about it. It was fun; it was heart breaking. It was everything The Hulk was for me as a child. I have an inappropriate attraction to monsters, we all know this, but as I watched this movie last night I realized that The Hulk has probably played as much a role in that part of my psyche as Godzilla, King Kong, and The Beast. For much of my life I have truly adored the story of King Kong—not in some sketchy bestiality way that we all might expect of me, but in the way of someone that is moved by a tale of humankind’s inability to appreciate nature, life. King Kong is the great misunderstood monster, and we all have a little bit of that inside of us, right? I certainly do, and I can relate to those stories of one understanding and accepting the monstrosity.

As I watched The Hulk last night, I finally realized it was much the same. Yes Bruce Banner is a man most of the time, but the monster is always within. And he is in a constant struggle to control that monster lest he hurt those around him. How horrific is that? You won’t hurt yourself, in fact, you are almost guaranteed to survive, but you might kill or seriously injure everyone else around you. Those are some serious consequences to your temper there. And Besty Ross, with her 50’s good looks and her soft voice is almost the epitome of feminine softness in contrast to the monster. We all want to be that girl, at least a little bit, the beauty that tames the beast.

But I had another realization, you see (I’m just full of realizations right now) and while I’m not saying I wouldn’t play Beauty if given the chance, I’m not so sure it’s a sexual thing for me. Allow me to explain, when you’re young and female you grow up with the hope of taming the bad boy (at least I did) and that somehow your vagina would heal is broken heart. Don’t ask me to explain where the idea comes from, but most of us girls get it somehow. This means that when I was younger and I wanted to be Besty Ross it was because I wanted to be the one the monster loved; I wanted to be the “special” girl. That’s an intrinsically selfish desire. I’m not passing judgment on it, but it’s a desire that arises from what I want, hence the selfishness.

As I revisit the concept of The Hulk, and all other “monsters” with it, I realize that I don’t want to be the “special” girl, I just want to be a friend so that Bruce Banner, or whomever it is that is battling the demon/monster inside, isn’t alone. Yeah, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit too. But it’s true. I feel worse about the obscene loneliness of the monster than I do my own. Either I’m growing up, or my desire for unhealthy relationships has just gotten more dangerous.

Some day I’m totally gonna fall for The Phantom of the Opera or The Hulk and he is so totally going to kill me. Just so that you all know that I know that I’m not right.