I don't want to be serious today. I've read quite a bit of feminist theory and I'm tired of thinking too deeply on issues that matter. My solution to that is to give you the greatest solution: gratuitous violence. Therefore, in honor of this need, I present to you my top ten list of men who make you think guns are cool. These men wield a gun like the swashbucklers of old and while you might despise guns in the real world, if one of these guys were using them instead of weapons of destruction they suddenly become instruments of hotness. Enjoy.

Ass Kicking Gun Shooters:

10. Paladin (Have Gun Will Travel)

He's not an obvious choice. I understand that. Made in the '50's Have Gun Will Travel is not a well known show and were it not for my father I would know nothing about it. In all honesty I don't think my father need ever know why I actually like this show. But regardless, Paladin walks around saving people and helping out, his bounty hunter experience being put to good use. I can respect that.

9. Zack (Dark Angel)

The actor that played Zack did not go on to do great things. In fact, all he really did was go on to make Blood of Beasts and wear really bad extensions. But before he came to such a despicable end he was Zack, doing his best to help Alex and looking incredibly hot while he did so. It's not easy being wounded and unloved.

8. Han Solo (Star Wars)

He's at number eight because he has made previous lists. But can you have a list about gun-wielding heroes and not include Han? No. Because even if it is a laser gun he wields it with aplomb and does it all while making a vest look like a good fashion statement. That is not an easy task my friends and only someone with such innate coolness has Han Solo possessed could ever have pulled it off.

6. Dean (Supernatural)

First there was a hot dad. And then he had two hot sons. And then these sons went around the country helping people. Sometimes without their shirts on. What a brilliant, brilliant idea. Wield your shotgun Dean. Wield it well.

7. Smith (Shoot 'em Up)

Anyone who has experienced the greatness of Clive Owen knows why one of his characters is here. Smith does something never before accomplished in this movie. He has sex (well) while holding a gun fight. I'm not saying I want bullets flying past my head while orgasming, but if it has to happen it should happen with Clive Owen. The man obviously has skill.

5. Young Guns (whole cast)

They're young and they have guns. Thank you.

4. Johnny Gault (The Outsider)

It's a little known movie by Showtime. Had I not had the fortune this past Halloween to be in the mood for a western I might have spent my life oblivious to the delightful wonders awaiting me. Clearly the fates smiled upon me. Johnny Gault is a "shootist", wounded, and totally falls in love with the girl. The only thing better than a gunslinger is a gunslinger that loves you.

3. John McClane (Die Hard)

Do I really have to explain this? Just gauge the reaction of your body while watching this movie. I think that's all the explanation any of us need.

2. James Bond (James Bond)

Obviously Mr. Bond would be on this list. We suffered through some unfortunate years with the face of Roger Moore but I think Daniel Craig has more than made up for that. I may be a feminist, but I'm pretty sure if Mr. Bond walked through the door I would say, "Oh James..." That is assuming, of course, that I don't giggle uncontrollably and drool as I'm prone to do in the presence of exceptional magnificence.

1. El Mariachi (Desperado)

He gets number one because, let's face it, he's perfect. Spanish accent? Check. Deep soulful eyes? Check. Wounded? Check. Saves babies? Check. Kicks more ass than one's libido can safely endure? Double check. And he can sing to you. What more could you want?