Alright, I make no apologies about the words that are on this page. Read at your own risk.

I absolutely *hate* valentine's day. I hate it with a passion I normally reserve for comic books, movies and men. I think what I hate the most, however, is that no matter how hard I strive to be a strong, independent woman this stupid, contrived "holiday" makes me feel like less of a person for not having anyone to romance me. Every valentine's day I have to watch all the couples around me jump off the bridge of stupidity as they try to woo each other with expensive romantic gifts and heartfelt cards written by Hallmark. And despite knowing that to spend money on valentine's day is stupid and meaningless, I still would like to jump off the bridge just once. Just to see what it's like. I suppose having never received flowers in my life the cliche is a little less over done for me, huh?

The really odd thing, though, is that more than romance and flowers and chocolate all this gooey, lovey-duvy, bullshit just makes me horny. How does that work out? Cuddle time is fantastic but can I please have lots and lots of sex first? Is that too much to ask? Where is the middle ground for women anyway? The gender roles have been so amazingly blurred in the last thirty years that I feel myself at a loss for how I am "supposed" to act. I think it is a marvelous thing men can be more open with their emotions and women need not feel strapped into certain behaviors but now what do those of us do that straddle the gender role line? How does a woman communicate wanting the shit fucked out of her one night and to be held tenderly during a heart-to-heart conversation the next?

I'm supposed to cook, and be sensitive, and like kids. I cook only so much as is required by my budget, I'm oversensitive one week of the month, a rock the other three and kids are only cool when they are happy and quiet. I am every other woman in the world.

We are all crazy and horny and cry-babies and incredibly strong. We all wish that in this crazy world of fucked up relationships and Hallmark romance men would read our minds. Trust me, we want nothing more than to tell you exactly how we feel but we're scared, pure and simple. Just like you we've put it out there and been shot down. Just like you we don't know when to be tender or forceful or open or hold back. The emotions of human beings are a mish-mash of evolution, enivronment, and personality. I don't have the answer, but I'm not anything special. Just one more woman who is waiting for a mind reader to come sweep her off her feet. Yeah, that will happen. When penguins fly.