Ah, the week comes to a close and with it my college life. A part of me is so ready to be done, I have two more papers to write before all my work is finished. But another part of me is sad to see it go. I had a marvelous night of random tears Tuesday. It was very female of me, but I make no apologies. I've never been more scared than I am right now. There is no thought more depressing than to move back home with my parents where I will be unemployed for who knows how long. Lord help us all.

It struck me yesterday why exactly I am frightened. I am now forced into action. No longer may I dwaddle around in Mac-town, dreams of fame and fortune floating around my head, without really working towards anything. Now I have to either try to make something of myself or truly become a loser. I have decided to try and make something of myself, have in fact worked very hard on my writing in an attempt to do something with it. If it fails I don't know what I will do. Writing is one thing I always thought I could do, naive perhaps, but true all the same. If I fail what will I do with myself? What job will I pursue? Will I stay in Mac-town forever? That is unacceptable. I refuse to allow myself to dwindle away into obscurity, but I suppose what is keeping me awake is the fear I will have no choice.

I had a nice surprise, though, I recieved an almost compliment from a friend whose opinion I highly regard where writing is concerned. He was kind enough to critique a story for me and didn't absolutely hate it, I'm mildly hopeful about that. The realist in me knows I will never know how good or bad I am until I start sending things out, trying to be published. What a rude awakening to find out you are as mundane as everyone around you. I can only hope that will not be the case.

Well I've rambled something fierce...I didn't even really have anything important to say, but I felt like writing anyhow. In truth I should be working on my papers so perhaps it is time I do that. In the words of Bob Ross "thank you and god bless."


p.s. I know I can't spell!