We've had the first roach sighting of the new year! And where does it show its ugly, insidious face? My bathroom while, mind you, I'm incapacitated by pants around my ankles. This is my life. My life is war. And while I've fought against genocide my whole life, I'm taking out as many of those scurvy little bastards as I can. I hate them so much. I don't hate them more than snakes, well, maybe I do hate them more than snakes. I'm afraid of snakes, but I hate roaches. Snakes I just don't want to ever, ever be around.

Speaking of snakes (stay with me here, it's gonna be a bumpy ride) I watched a show on Discovery about snake attacks. All of these people were telling stories about constricting snakes and nearly dying from them. You know what I say to those people? Those people that keep twenty foot pythons as pets? You deserve your painful death my fellow citizens of the world. You deserve whatever that snake does to you because you can't tame a snake. You wanna know why? It's brain is too small. If a snake doesn't attack you, all that means is that it isn't hungry and/or you don't seem like a threat. With a twenty foot python it's only a matter of time.

But...more disturbing than all of that...ANACONDAS STALK YOU. I put that in all capital letters because some pieces of information are really, really important, and I didn't want you to miss that one. Once again it pays to be fat because most likely an anaconda looks at me and thinks, eh--she's too big to eat. But all you slim kids who strive to be healthy and live long, long lives? Totally screwed. You know what your health is going to get you? Eaten by an Anaconda. That's right--and that's assuming you don't get kidnapped and sold into human trafficking before that. It's a harsh life out there for pretty people; I won't lie to you. And if you're a virgin just give it up now--if, by some miracle, you avoid the human traffickers AND the anacondas, you're totally being sacrificed to the dragon. Of course if you're the town whore you get burned a the stake as a witch...

I think I understand why people are agoraphobic. It's a dangerous, dangerous world out there people.

P.S. Yellowstone is a super volcano. Geologically speaking it could erupt anytime.

Be afraid, be very afraid.