So I’ve been a bit testy lately. It finally occurred to me just a moment ago that my testiness might be do to the fact that I haven’t written in a long time—really written. Of course, to be honest part of my testiness is that I haven’t had any interaction with testes but I can’t do much about that. And hey, I can write about interaction with my favorite male anatomy and while that might not be the same thing, it at least alleviates some of the frustration. At least that’s what “they” say, whoever “they” are.
This whole “don’t be a ho” mentality I’ve adopted is honestly starting to get on my nerves. It’s been a year now of not sleeping around and only part of that year was due to lack of opportunity. There was one very blatant invitation and I didn’t accept. Looking back I flog myself a little bit for said decision, but the truth is I’m tired of bad sex. The only reason I decided not to sleep with anyone who offered was because I’ve yet to get to know someone before I sleep with him. What a concept.
Anyway, this whole self-awareness bit and accepting that maybe I’m a little more broken than I wanted to admit is annoying. And besides, who isn’t more broken than they want to admit? But here I sit, holding out for love because if I meet the right guy he’ll make it all better right? (Yes I was joking, I barfed a little in my mouth as I wrote that sentence too, don’t worry.) Seriously, here I sit holding out for love because if I’m going to continue this process of not being broken I have to make decisions that further my cause, not harm it. And, at the moment, this one seems to be the correct choice. However, making said correct choice has gotten neither love nor sex and we’re back to where we started: me being testy.
So I suppose I’ll write something; maybe a fanfiction or a short story, or I’ll start another novel I won’t finish. What matters is that for the time I’m writing I’m happy, and if I can’t ensure that I’ll be happy all the time I can ensure that I will be happy all the moments that are within my control. In a week school will start and I will be swamped with homework, a final project and grading, but that’s in a week. And if I planned ahead I wouldn’t be me now would I?