Well, I suppose it’s that time again. I’ve had my vacation and as I have absolutely nothing to do at work right now there is no better thing than to blog. At least, that’s what I’m rationalizing. So the holidays are finally over. I have to say, I enjoy Christmas; I had a fabulous Christmas and New Years, but I am glad they are done. I’m just not a holiday girl anymore—the older I get the less sentimentality I seem to hold. Funny how that works.

And on a completely unrelated side note I urge you all to never, ever, eat Long John Silver’s. Sure, it tastes good, but I haven’t been quite right for two days now. There food just isn’t natural (and neither is the effect it is having on my body for that matter).

Okay, on the main event. You wouldn’t think I would wait all this time and not offer you a tirade worthy of your time? I would, but hopefully not this time—at least not intentionally. I actually have two events that are somewhat related, though not at first glance.

I offer you my thoughts on Phantom of the Opera and graduate school.

Oh Phantom, dear sweet Phantom. Has it struck anyone else’s notice you can wake up a fully functional adult, perhaps a bit nerdy but nothing overwhelmingly disturbing about your attitude and by the time you go to sleep you have devolved into a purely pathetic mass of gibbering, drooling obsessive mass? Perhaps I’m being a bit hard on myself, but I doubt it. I am preparing you, you understand, for the obsession that is about to be unleashed on this page. I am a pathetic mass of gibbering, drooling, obsessive mass you understand. I acknowledge it.

Besides, when The Phantom marries me one day it won’t matter. (Yes I know he’s a fictional character, I’m not that far gone…yet)

So—where to begin? Oh the movie is stupendous! If you do not like musicals, true musicals, you might not enjoy it as much as myself. If you aren’t a fan of well-executed melodrama you certainly won’t like it. But then again, perhaps you will. I am a huge fan of Andrew Lloyd Webber and while I have always liked the music of Phantom, not having seen the stage play I just didn’t get it. Then I saw the movie. It’s dark. It’s spectacular. It’s quite possibly the best love story ever told. Ya’all can keep Gone With The Wind. Rhett Butler’s got nothing on the Phantom.

I will grant you, Phantom is crazy. That is indisputable. But he loves Christine perfectly. He would never hurt, never cause her harm, would do anything to make her happy—and yet he is not whipped. He is not pathetic. He is regal, powerful, and still very much his own man. I’ll take a little crazy to get that. Granted, trying to keep him from killing all my friends he didn’t like would be a chore, but I think we could work through it. The point I’m trying to make is this: a few months ago I posted my thoughts on not wanting to cheapen myself with the “game”. Not wanting to fake the electricity between two people. This movie, the love in this movie is the real deal. It is a soul-binding eternal love that happens to one in every one-thousand couples (if that). That is what I’m after and that is what I won’t play the game to get. When I said I didn’t want to fake it, it was because in my heart I am still very much a hopeless romantic. I want it all or nothing at all. I am fully prepared to love someone as deeply as the Phantom loves Christine, but I will not accept Raoul instead. That was what I was attempting to communicate and perhaps didn’t get across as clearly as I hoped.

I am the Phantom. (See, told you I was a pathetic mass of gibbering, drooling, obsessive mass.) I should add when I said I was a romantic the word “twisted” should be included in there. I am a twisted human being, and perhaps that is why this story speaks so strongly to me.

Now, what does all of this have to do with graduate school you ask? How could cow-eyes over an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical possibly have a connection with my ever-shifting life plans? It all boils down to one thing—the will to live.

The Phantom was miserable—lonely and pathetic, his emotional growth stunted, but dammit he wanted to live. He wanted his life and he had a fire that was (is) undeniable. I watch that movie and I think, how can I, someone with no excuses, and no real reasons not to, neglect to live my life completely? How can I, an intelligent, virile young woman settle into oblivion with no better reason than laziness? I can get a job anywhere. I can support myself anywhere. I don’t doubt that. The thrill is in the experience. Where I live, who I’m with, what I’m doing. There is a whole wide world outside Illinois and I’m ready to jump into it. I made the move to Peoria, I liked it, but it is now time to move on. I’m going to grad school in Nevada or Massachusetts and should I not be accepted, I’ll move somewhere anyway. Come August I will no longer be an Illinois resident. I need mountains and ocean and vivacity. I need life.

Anyone who wants to come with me is more than welcome. We’ll make it work.