I should be going to bed right now. I certainly shouldn't be blogging but I'm afraid tonight is a must. I knew the moment I left the movie I saw earlier that a blog would be in short order. What movie is this that has spurred me flaunt my bedtime and treat you all to a marvelous rant? I will tell you, Mona Lisa's Smile.

What was it about you ask? It was about many things, choices, restrictions, life. But more specifically, it was about women's lives. Yes I know, you have heard it all before, multiple times from me at least. But this was different. See this movie takes place in 1953. And yet, through many of the things that seemed so out of date and ancient, I realized I had lived those same situations. Let me explain.

These girls go to college more as a step on the road to marriage than for any real hope of education. They look forward to the time when they will keep house and home for dear old hubby, raise babies and be a housewife. At the conclusion of the movie the woman I was watching it with asked me why I was laughing. It wasn't particularly funny. I told her, if I don't laugh I'll cry. You see, growing up my plan was to be married by twenty-one and having babies by twenty-five. I am now twenty-two and have absolutely no intention of carrying out that plan, but the fact I ever considered that the way things ought to be is quite scary. This movie is set in 1953. I was born in 1981. Some things never change huh?

All sorts of thoughts swirled through my head, so many things that I have been told, or have assumed to be correct over the years. What is right? What is the correct decision? What is morally or ethically the way to live your life? I seemed to find the way a few years back when I settled on anything is fine so long as it doesn't hurt anyone. But is that really the answer? What is a man or a woman supposed to be? What does that mean? There are so many self-help books out there, so many guidebooks and handbooks to lead you on the right path. But what is the right path? I know what the stereotype of women is. I know what I like and don't like about my gender. But there are things that at times I wish I could be but feel inapproriate allowing. Most times I feel so guilty for sharing emotion with anyone. I suppose I have an innate fear of being labled a hysterical or weak female. How much of what I am is hysterical woman, and how much of it is just the real and true me?

As I began to consider that another thought occured to me. What is it like to live a man's life? To be taught from infancy that weakness is unacceptable and anything "feminine" in nature is to be repressed and/or removed from one's character? How must that affect someone. Men have as many moods as women, their hormones affect how they feel as much as ours do, but they are never taught that. They are never given help or insight in how to deal with such mood swings. They have no recourse when it comes to dealing with their emotions. If we are pushed and prodded into a mold of hysterical woman they are forced to be the stoic man.

Is it our culture or human nature to label everything? All must be neatly defined and labeled in a pretty box. Always there must be a popular path for all to follow. Always others must judge those around them. Always we must know what we want to do with our lives immediately upon entering adulthood and the course is to be followed for the rest of our days.

It is all very confusing and I am well and truly tired now. There are no answers. There never are. I realize this but I continue to search anyway. Some days I feel I am getting closer to answers, only to be shown another side, another path. I know at least one answer. No one knows what is right for me except myself, just as I have no idea what is right for anyone else. We all must choose our own path in this world. The only solution for the moment is to remember that no one has all the answers. To judge others for a path or decision is to rule without all the evidence. Some girls want to be housewives, work at hooters, rule the world. Some men want the freedom to cry, be an artist, express themselves. The decision is up to them and I feel I must fall back on my earlier discovery. So long as no one is hurt I can do nothing but respect the decision of others.

There are no answers, but thank goodness for provoking questions. Without them I fear my life would be stagnant. To never realize questions are there...that is the only true wrong I can see.