Rule #1: Stop being a lesbian.
Rule #2: Any questions see Rule #1.

I love that quote. I heard it tonight from a female friend as we ranted to each other about life in general and I laughed for the better part of a minute. As the same friend once said, “stop the lesbian bullshit!”

I fear I should clarify for those of you who don’t understand. I am not in any way implying that being a lesbian is a bad thing. The quote was brought about by the erratic behavior of lesbian friends (think about it, two women in a relationship?) and we have found that it applies to so many aspects of life. It isn’t that I have a particular direction for that rant to travel, more that I felt like saying that. I feel better now.

Ah, tonight is my first band trip where I’m not with the band. I was considering calling a friend when I realized he was away with the band tonight…and I wasn’t with him. It was definitely a weird sensation. I don’t miss band practice. I don’t miss the unnecessary drama and the aches and pains and the heat and annoyances. But as I think about the crowd they are playing for tonight and the definite adrenaline rush that will follow I can’t help but be jealous. That I miss. The knowledge that I helped make these people howl. That was a good feeling. Standing on a football field at the end of a performance knowing I had infused the crowd with a piece of me. I miss that.

What else? I feel the need to write tonight—not all of it can be written here but certainly some of it. It was a busy weekend, too much working and not enough drinking or maybe too much of both. That’s a hard one to call. Parts of it were great, others not so much. Some just went by. The whole two job thing is maybe not the wisest decision of my life. While the extra cash is good I miss my weekends. I know I’ll have them back come October but that isn’t much consolation right now.

I should say it is a different, but not unpleasant sensation to have nothing to do at the end of the day. Come five o’clock I go home. Not to rehearsal, not to another class, not to homework. Just home. Home to my A.D.D. cats and their craziness. Home to my thoughts and an empty apartment. I like being by myself. Or I should say, living by myself, but it is a change that will take some getting used too. I really like being able to drive again. I don’t like driving—I’m entirely too scarred to ever like driving again, but I like the freedom that comes with driving.

I’m not sure I truly have a point to this blog. More just a need to write. It happens on occasion. Sometimes with more ferocity than others. I apologize for offering no epiphanies or entertaining rants. I have only a few random thoughts and unvoiced emotions. I can feel a story building. As always it will be my true voice. Maybe I’ll ask a few of you too read it, maybe not. Perhaps just writing it will be enough. As always I can say everything on paper and pretend I said it in real life. Self-delusion is a beautiful thing.