I know it’s been forever since I posted, but what’s a blog for if not an on again/off again relationship? So, in honor of Vegas in the summer I give you the newest top ten list:

Top Ten Reasons I Would Marry Someone on the First Date:

10. He’s a secret agent man

Please, you’re on the run, adrenaline is pumping and not only is your well-being his top priority, but he can kill with his hands. You know what that spells? T-R-U-E-L-O-V-E

9. His sword gets bigger when he says “Thundercats.”

There are so many reasons to marry someone like this. A) He has a sword. B) It responds when he says “Thundercats.” C) He knows who the Thundercats are. D) He might just be Lion-O. The one downside is he might have bag lady fingernails/claws, but nobody’s perfect.

8. He’s a werewolf.

The only truly important question to consider here is: do you make the sexy time while he’s shape shifted?

7. He’s a vampire.

Piercing gaze? Check. Able to wear frilly shirts without irony? Check. Offers eternal life and a significant personal fortune? Check.

6. He’s a fallen angel fighting on the side of humanity.

I mean, there were so many reasons I hated Legion, but I think the thing I can never forgive, the thing that broke my spirit, was the dangling of Paul Bettany in all his Angel-hotness (shirtless with wings people. Shirtless with wings) was a lie. He was neither shirtless, nor had wings for any significant portion of time. Why does Hollywood have to destroy my dreams?

5. He tells me I’m pretty and means it.

Boys, you think we’re complicated, but what you never understood is that deep down inside--no matter how tough we are or how much we hate to cuddle--all girls want to be told they’re pretty without sleaze, mockery, or ulterior motives. I’m not one to stereotype, but I’m standing by this. Being rich helps too.

4. He’s a Master of the Universe

Let’s consider the pros and cons of this: marry a stable accountant? Marry a barbarian with a magical sword who rides a Battlecat? Hmm…decisions, decisions.

3. He can use the Force.

You move a pencil with you’re mind and/or build your own light saber and I’m yours for life. End of story.

2. He looks at me with tears in his eyes and says, “I’ve never loved before, but I’m willing to change for you.”

This is the one I’m most ashamed of. I mean, there’s a chance I would mock him ceaselessly for being so melodramatic, but honestly? Gonna swallow that hook, line, and sinker. And be divorced within a year. Never marry a man more moody than you.

1. While being chased into a mountain cave by the British he sacrifices himself to save, but not before promising: “I will find you. Stay alive, and I will find you!”

Yeah, you’d marry him too. You can deny it all you want, but I know you’re dirty secret. Daniel Day-Lewis ruined love for a whole generation of women.