Well kids I have news. I am going to take a break from my regularly scheduled blogger and begin to participate in nanowrimo, National Novel Writing Month. I will be doing this over blogger, so what you will be treated to is the story as I write it. No editing (to speak of) just me, splooging a story out on the page. It goes from November 1st -30th so I will probably not be blogging on here for awhile. Instead all my energy will be concentrated on achieving 50,000 words before November 3oth. The gauntlet has been thrown down.

The site is http://jessbook.blogspot.com

I haven't written anything yet, but you please offer feedback as you read, be it there or here.

Let the games begin.

Well, here is how I’m seeing things. It is 2:03 pm by my clock at work and I have one more hour to go. I am, therefore, going to write this blog, email it to myself and post it when I get home. By the time you read this blog (whomever the faceless mass of “you” may consist of) it will have completed quite the cyber journey. It makes a body tired just thinking about it. But perhaps that is just me. But I’m the only one keeping myself company right now so I am, therefore, the only one that counts.



Wow, I am off to a wordy, rambling start. Not good kids, not good. I do believe last night I left you all a treat as I attempted to pass the time away at class. Why is it real life persists in intruding upon my dreams? Always this business of working, and learning, and improving one’s self. Never time for playing, writing and, in general, living in a world of fantasy.



Oh, we’re up to 2:07. I swear this building is in a different time continuum. Perhaps all office buildings are. The day slows to a grinding halt when you are at work. It doesn’t matter how much work I do, or how fast I work, or how hard I work inevitably, 3:00 or 3:30 (depending on what time I make it in the morning) simply will not come fast enough. But, once I go home the evening hours seem to fly by with nary a minute to enjoy them. How is this possible? I am sometimes convinced that being an adult is something forced upon the rest of us by boring, bitter people, angry that they are boring and bitter and thus must make the rest of us suffer.



Whew, more rambling. This is what happens when I write at work. But, the time is now 2:11.



So I do have one thing of value worth mentioning. Christopher Reeve died. Two nights ago Larry King Live did a tribute to this man and in the background the crowd cheered him on while shaking “Bush-Cheney” signs in their hands. People gave a tribute to Christopher Reeve while endorsing President Bush and his Vice President. Perhaps you aren’t aware of why this makes me seethe. I will explain.



Christopher Reeve was paralyzed from the shoulders down. His one hope for a cure not only himself, but countless others like him, as well as thousands of cancer patients was stem cell therapy. He fought with every ounce of considerable power at his disposal for the necessary funding and governmental support of stem cell research. President Bush offered him a paltry sum more to appease the uneducated masses than to offer any true support to stem cell research. Reeve is on record countless times as saying “if only we can get the funding”. At what point does it seem like a good idea to tribute a man while endorsing the one person he fought most obviously against? How is this acceptable?!



Stem cell therapy was Christopher Reeve’s one true hope for walking again. Bush would not support it. Stem cell therapy is the key to improving and saving the lives of millions of people around the world. Bush will not support it. It is a free country. You can support Bush if you so choose, but don’t you dare shake a Bush sign and say you are sorry Christopher Reeve is dead! Don’t you dare pay tribute to that man and vote his nemesis into office. And nemesis is certainly what Bush was to Reeve. Whether the two got along or not, stem cell therapy is the next big break through in our world and Bush is the most obvious opposition right now. The man is simple minded and an idiot. No matter what arguments you make for Bush you cannot argue those two facts, because that is what they are, facts. He is not a smart man.



I’m not saying you can’t support Bush (though it is unfortunate if you do). Everyone is entitled to their opinion, even the KKK. But be aware of what you are doing when you shake a sign and cheer someone on. Holding a Bush sign at a Christopher Reeve tribute is like wearing an “I love the Romans” button to a Christian Church. It just doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense.



Well, the time is now 2:25 pm and I have acquired more work. So I’m off to do my work and I bid you all adieu.

Okay, I've put up with all I can, and I cannot put up with anymore. Here I sit in my Access Class, paid for by work which is really the only thing that makes it tolerable. I am bored beyond my mind! Granted, I have learned a lot, but my patience is not so great that I can sit here for three hours. It is mind numbing and tedious. I have no patience. I want it all and I want it now!

You will have to forgive me on this post. It is rather hard to type quietly and get my thoughts out before they run away. I am also trying to pay attention when necessary. It is all very time consuming and irritating.

So I have discovered lately that my blog readers are far more varied then I had ever imagined. I know who you are now (some of you) but no, I will not censor. This is after all, my place to rant, be crude, and in general spout views, thoughts and ideas that might not be classroom appropriate. I haven't apologized yet for who I am, I don't imagine myself beginning now. Besides, I wouldn't be nearly as much fun if I thought about what I was saying before I said it now would I?

I am in a very odd mood of late. Which might not be surprising, but you must remember I only blog when I'm in a very odd mood. What is strange is that this mood has persisted.

Oh joy! He is going to call it a night soon! I am very thrilled. Unfortunately I was just getting ready to start blogging...I'm not sure I will have a chance now. In all honesty I owe you all a nice long provocative blog. Or at least something to muddle on for the next few days.

I think I will preview myself by stating a few topics I look foward to covering:

1) I am no longer Christian. That is not to say I am not spiritual, but my spirituality no longer falls in the realm of Christianity.
2) You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. No matter how much you may want to shake sense into someone it is not always your place to do so. I will delve into learning that lesson later.
3) I am a big coward. I think perhaps I have doomed myself to spinsterhood. My self-defense mechanisms work so darn well I just don't think I have it in my to lay it all on the line and risk friendship, future and happiness.

So these are some topics I wish to discuss in the future. This can remind me of what I owe you a blog on and perhaps I will expand on these topics in the future.

I suppose I should pay attention for the last thirty minute of class. I bid you adieu and wish you many orgasms in your near future.

:)

This blog I am going to discuss the merits of masturbation. That’s right, I said it. MAS-TUR-BATION. I know you all aren’t shocked. There is no way I have any room left to shock anyone that’s read more than three of these posts. But I don’t think I have yet dedicated an entire post to the wonder that is masturbating. Heaven knows it deserves it. I speak from experience, believe me. You can’t not fuck me the week before my period. I will masturbate. I know, I’ve seen me do it.

At this point, perhaps there are a few moans of "over-sharing" and I ask you why is that? We all do it. And if you don't, that only explains your surly behavior. It’s not something I enjoy nearly as often as I would like, after all I have a roommate. And, while I miss him terribly when he is gone, at least I don’t sit around the apartment with him complaining about my horniness. I can take care of it myself.

But the terrible thing is even I feel like I’m pushing boundaries here. I feel slightly ashamed talking so candidly about my solo affairs. I have no trouble relating my bad sex stories (I would say good, but with a few exceptions my good ones are lacking). So how is it that I can discuss so candidly my experiences of dickie-doos and limp dicks and short dicks and perfectly good dicks attached to perfectly terrible people and I shy away from the topic of masturbation? If I were talking about a man yankin’ the crank it would not seem nearly like such a taboo discussion.

I have a theory. (Did you doubt me?)

Until the age of eighteen and even for a few years following, female masturbation seemed the height of grossness to me. I played around as a kid (because all kids do and if you try to argue you’re just fooling yourself) but by the time I was old enough to truly enjoy the activity I had shied away from it as something disgusting and improper. Amazing isn’t it, that I would harbor thoughts of propriety? But there you have it. Even in the sanctity of my bedroom, alone and undisturbed I could not bring myself to discover what feeling good truly was. I knew my brother did it and most every male in my acquaintance but for females it remained something dirty. Something bad girls did. I, unfortunately, was not yet bad. But, about eighteen I finally gained enough insight into my feelings of restlessness to put two and two together. Or two to one as the case may be. Very logically I thought to myself "hm, boys masturbate. Girls masturbate in porn. Shouldn’t I be able to masturbate? How do I accomplish this? I guess you just…go for it." You think I’m exaggerating. I’m not. I had no idea. Filled with the world of chick flicks and trashy romances where beautiful idealistic virgins are just waiting for their passion to be tapped by a skilled, worldly man I assumed deep down that when I found a man to share intimacy with he would show me the ropes. I would touch him, he would touch me everyone goes home happy.

Two problems with that thought process (at least). 1) The amount of men in this world who can do you right when you don’t even know what you like is so small as to be a thing of dreams. I’m not saying they don’t exist, I’m saying you’ll never meet them unless you’re a character in a Danielle Steele novel. 2) Since when did my body become something only a man could enjoy? It’s my body. I think that gives me some rights in the orgasm department. I love men, goddess knows, but the clitoris is a finicky creature. I need to keep my finger on her so that I can help him (or them) along when the time comes. Yes, that pun was intended.

Why is female masturbation such a harder concept to accept than male masturbation? This isn’t a problem that affects older people; usually by the time you hit your twenties you’ve figured it out. But what about young adolescent girls? Why do we hide the knowledge of sexual pleasure from them? It isn’t that I think fathers are sitting down with their sons explaining the rudiments of stroking one’s penis, but hell, I’m a girl and even I knew how a guy got the job done. I just figured people had sex, guys stuck it in and some magical fairy godmother of sex would wave her wand and grant me an orgasm.

I missed out on a good six or seven years of stroking the beaver due to that little misnomer. You better believe I’m pissed about that.

Even today girls and women will reply with "ooh, that’s gross!" when questioned about masturbating. Where do they get that ridiculous idea?! The clitoris is a beautiful thing and there is none so beautiful as your own. Use it, learn it, love it ladies.

I think part of the problem with masturbation is that there is something pathetic associated with it. If a person has to please oneself they are lacking because they have no on else to do it for them. That mentality applies to both men and women. And it’s bullshit. I don’t care who you are, you are never going to be ready to do me each and every time I need to be done. Why shouldn’t I spare you and save myself? And how are we to help others love our bodies if we don’t even know how to do it ourselves?

Now, I think sex is something you have to learn on your own. Not understand, the education should come from the parents, but you don’t know it until you do it. And learning is half the fun. The same holds true for masturbation. No one can sit you down and explain "first you stick your hands down your pants and then you…" No, not going to work. But it is a topic that should be addressed during "the talk". Or, in the case of those of us that were fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to have multiple talks, should be addressed somewhere along the way. When you give your kid the adolescent, funny feelings talk just throw masturbation in there. Don’t draw a map but tell your kid what the word means, what it is and that it is a natural thing. Not to mention it will help keep them happy. I mean honestly, they won’t get pregnant, they won’t catch std’s and there will be a release for all that tension inside them they have no idea what to do with. It isn’t the people that embrace sexuality that are freaky, it’s the people that repress it. Just try to argue with me.

So, obviously I am pro-masturbation. I have to admit I’ve lost my shyness by the end of this. And for all you men out there feeling grossed out by this discussion just think of it this way. The more I know about myself means the easier it is for me to show you what to do (or do it myself) and the more time we have to get to what makes you happy. You get yours, I get mine, we both go home happy.

You cannot tell me that is a bad thing.